Update... well sorta....

So apparently this has become a yearly post blog. lol I didn't intend for it to; but, it does seem suspicious to me that I feel this need to vent and express around the same time every year. Anyway, an update in the craziness that is my life, I've decided to take a break from school since last post, and that has proven to have been the best thing for me. I've lost 25 lbs, and have been happier in general. I may go back to finish later, or I may do something completely different. But either way I'll do what I feel I have the proper motivation to do. A really great teacher of mine once said, 'never do anything unless you do it 100%, otherwise it's not beneficial to you or those you're working with.' I paraphrase, but that's what I got out of it. So, that's what I'm trying to do. Though at this point I'm still job hopping, and the most recent job is not turning out to be the best fit. I do the job well, just not within the exact time limits, but that's another blog post altogether.

So what was I saying?... Oh yeah. Update! DH and I have been working on our house, converting out washing machine to a greywater system. So today I get to punch holes in our walls! :D This should be very cathartic. lol Also, it'll be nice to not have to do the hokey-poky when trying to do laundry. I like the idea of going green where I can. We've even been using a clothesline. However, this can be counterproductive where we live. Sometimes the wind decides to get a bit over zealous and kicks up so much dust and dirt that my clothes would come in dirtier than when I first put them in the washer...... Thank goodness for a dryer. :D When I am lucky enough to get to dry my clothes on the line, I get to revel in the fact that the clothes end up smelling like sunshine!! *Sigh* :D It's funny, but I actually enjoy doing laundry more now that it's more complicated. lol In other news, DH has started really growing as a piano tuner. He's had quite a few jobs and we hope for his business to grow more and more. It makes me happy to see him so happy with what he does. There is nothing cuter than a full-grown man giggling and doing "the happy dance" when he shows me the piano he's just finished working on. "Can you hear that?" he says as he plays a few chords. "It sounds sooooo much better!!! and the action feels like how it should, and I did it all by myself!!! I'm a big boy now!" lol OK maybe he doesn't say the last bit there, but boy, can you see the pride in his eyes when he's accomplished something that most can't. lol I love that feeling. Doing something you didn't know how to do before, and you put forth the effort to learn it and now are very proficient with it. Just, feels good!

Anyway..... So I've decided that I'm going to make this a daily or at least weekly blog. I need a verbal outlet. Oddly enough I can't utilize facebook like that anymore since the people I'd be griping about are on my friend's list, and I just don't think it would be very professional of me to dis my current boss openly like that. I kinda don't like the idea of burning bridges that I'm currently standing in the middle of. But hopefully they won't be subscribers on here. Apparently half of the people I work with can't stand me anyway. And ya know what? It's their loss. I may not be the most amazing person, but I am a person worthy of love and kindness and respect. That's all I'm going to say about that for now.

Well DH is home from the hardware store and now I need to go punch some holes in them there walls!!! Yeee haw!!!!! Wish us luck! lol

-Jenniguin ;)

Puddle.

You've heard the expression, 'still waters run deep.' So why do I feel like such a puddle? I realize that I'm really not all that connected, at least, not like I'd like to be. I'd love to be more politically/socially involved. The only problem is politics give me a headache and I'm far too much of an idealist for anyone to stand me. I feel that people should be able to (forgive the analogy) pull their heads from their rectums long enough to be decent to each other. Then, maybe, we wouldn't have so many 'buttheads' in the world.

I'd like to think of myself as creative but I don't feel like I've been very creative lately. I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk lately and I'm honestly not quite sure what to do about it. I'm sure or maybe just hopeful that someone out there understands how I'm feeling. I'm rather convinced that most don't, though, not due to lack of effort on their part. Some of us are just a different make and model. I should be quite content with everything right now, and I'm not altogether not. I just need to try something new. I need to find what I'm supposed to be doing.

I have very few people I can actually call close friends. I'm rather socially awkward. I'm trying my best to be a good sister, though the concept as escaped me most of my life, and I really want to be a good friend. I want to be able to be close to people, but as is evident from my creating a blog, I'm not sure how to do that. Most connections I make with people seem to either break from distance and lack of communication, or they really start to get to know me and .... that's enough. I don't consider myself to be someone that people can really like. They get an impression of me and that's how it stays. I'm either "happy, sweet, goofy kid" or I'm.... something derogatory.

Perception is a funny thing. I'm really not sure what to think. I know what I perceive, and I think I know how others perceive me, but in the end, I don't really know. I used to think anyone being nice to me was doing it because they felt bad for me. I know that hopefully wasn't the case, but those feelings were very real. I guess my attempt at this blog is to therapeutically try my best to be as honest as I can, and see what happens. I can't promise that any of it will make sense or be cohesive in the least, or that it won't be completely random, but I can promise I'll try to be genuine.

As my first official blog, Here goes nothing.

-Jenniguin