Puddle.

You've heard the expression, 'still waters run deep.' So why do I feel like such a puddle? I realize that I'm really not all that connected, at least, not like I'd like to be. I'd love to be more politically/socially involved. The only problem is politics give me a headache and I'm far too much of an idealist for anyone to stand me. I feel that people should be able to (forgive the analogy) pull their heads from their rectums long enough to be decent to each other. Then, maybe, we wouldn't have so many 'buttheads' in the world.

I'd like to think of myself as creative but I don't feel like I've been very creative lately. I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk lately and I'm honestly not quite sure what to do about it. I'm sure or maybe just hopeful that someone out there understands how I'm feeling. I'm rather convinced that most don't, though, not due to lack of effort on their part. Some of us are just a different make and model. I should be quite content with everything right now, and I'm not altogether not. I just need to try something new. I need to find what I'm supposed to be doing.

I have very few people I can actually call close friends. I'm rather socially awkward. I'm trying my best to be a good sister, though the concept as escaped me most of my life, and I really want to be a good friend. I want to be able to be close to people, but as is evident from my creating a blog, I'm not sure how to do that. Most connections I make with people seem to either break from distance and lack of communication, or they really start to get to know me and .... that's enough. I don't consider myself to be someone that people can really like. They get an impression of me and that's how it stays. I'm either "happy, sweet, goofy kid" or I'm.... something derogatory.

Perception is a funny thing. I'm really not sure what to think. I know what I perceive, and I think I know how others perceive me, but in the end, I don't really know. I used to think anyone being nice to me was doing it because they felt bad for me. I know that hopefully wasn't the case, but those feelings were very real. I guess my attempt at this blog is to therapeutically try my best to be as honest as I can, and see what happens. I can't promise that any of it will make sense or be cohesive in the least, or that it won't be completely random, but I can promise I'll try to be genuine.

As my first official blog, Here goes nothing.

-Jenniguin